Hello Goodbye Hello

Good intentions. Is there a class i can take, a course i can master, something that will teach me how to stay on track? It’s either write about wanting to run or run and want to write about it, but not both. There seems to be no way to combine the two: run then actually write about it. This keeping track of everything has been started in strange fits. It’s making me have fits!

So. Here is my hello. Again. Deja vu.

I wanted to get outside. Running around the neighborhood affords me a sense of loss. I have no idea how far i can go and so i get lost in the run. Tonight, the thunder rolled across the sky like old wooden beer kegs. Within minutes rain drenched the streets and quelled my thoughts of outdoor running. Instead i turned to the trusty treadmill and climbed aboard. I knew i wanted an hour run. I wasn’t concerned with distance or pace. I have nothing to prove. This running thing is a slow climb out of hell called injury and depression. I knew i had to take it slow. So i would take an hour, however it came to me.

I don’t have an intimate relationship with the treadmill. I don’t know the difference between programs and levels. Nothing is set into the memory of my gerbil wheel so when i do play with the buttons it’s always an adventure. This time it was called “rolling hills” which i assumed (wrongly) had something to do with incline/hill work. Not so. It was all about speed. Having no clue about “levels” i set rolling hills to level 5 and prayed i could perform whatever craziness lay ahead.

I don’t need to tell you what walking a 20 minute pace will do to a running soul. It killed me. Deflated me. I almost wanted to pull the emergency stop cord and jump off. Get back to my old standby of quick start and go. But, i stayed with it and was soon running 6.1 miles an hour. That definitely felt better and i got used to the “rolling” that went along with it. So, while the rain fell steadily outside i chugged along on the treadmill, watching the miles tick by, happy to be moving.

In the end, i was able to eke out 5.3 miles. And for this chaotic mess, that’s pretty good.
Favorite songs:

• Joker and the Thief ~ Wolfmother
• Gone Daddy Gone ~ Violent Femmes
• West L.A. Fadeaway ~ Grateful Dead
• Use the Force ~ Jamiroquai
• Scorpio Rising ~ 10,000 Maniacs
• Disease ~ Matchbox 20
• Paralyzer ~ Finger Eleven
• Paint it Black ~ Rolling Stones
• Twilight Zone ~ Golden Earing
• This is How a Hear Breaks ~ Rob Thomas
• Don’t Drink the Water ~ Dave Matthews Band (Red Rocks version)
• Lose Yourself ~ Eminem
• Synchronicity II ~ Police

Day Three

Every morning is like Groundhog day to me. I roll out of bed, bleary-eyed and somewhat disorientated (dreams take me for some whacked out rides & sometimes i forget where i am when i come to a stop). I slip in front of the computer to check email and see what the work-out calendar has in store for me. Then, it’s breakfast and coffee. Shower. Maybe make the moves on the calendar…More coffee at work and maybe a 2nd breakfast. I’m trying to eat every four hours so granola at 11am is the most appealing. I have grown to love Kashi’s orchard spice. The mountain whatever isn’t that bad, either. I usually always forget my lunch so i’m either buying something in the cafe or standing in front of the vending machine – usually the latter choice because it’s the cheaper of the two. Such is lunch today – sun chips from Mr. Vending. Dinner, as usual is healthy – because i try to cook healthy at all times. Salmon marinated in all things Asian with steamed veggies. Brown rice on the side. Such is clean(er) eating. Bad habit to break: not bringing something (anything!) for lunch!

Weight training: nada…unless you count a pilates session as “weight” training. Lots of stomach (core) exercises and a few inner/outer thigh moves. No arm exercises.

Cardio: zilch. Tomorrow will be a 45 minute session to make up for the fact that last night was only 25, a real quickie.

Yoga: Tuesday is all about standing poses. Nothing really bothers me about this sequence. It’s literally a variation of warrior poses and Sun Salutations. Seemed straightforward enough.

Travels in Slumber

I remember it was rainy and dark. I had to board but I was having second thoughts about going to Colorado. I’m not sure if it was because I was traveling alone or because it was one of those tiny planes where you climb the stairs to board. You didn’t get the long hallway, the stepping from gate to plane that is almost seamless. I don’t know why I was alone. When they finished loading the tiny aircraft I couldn’t decide if I wanted to go. The Or Not was weighing heavy on me. No one was paying any attention to me until finally I was all alone. Finally, I boarded.
Once inside I noticed the seating was limo style, around the contours of the plane. I took up a seat in a corner and realized I didn’t have any money, no wallet, no nothing. I don’t know why but this didn’t bother me as much as it should.
When the plane began to move I thought to myself ‘there is no turning back now’ so I leaned back to try to sleep a little. I remember thinking we just bought a futon so why was I taking a trip we couldn’t afford.
At some point the plane turned into a bus and I felt relief even though I didn’t know where we were going. When I asked someone he shrugged and said in a bored tone, “around” and something about Portland, Maine. I replied that I was familiar with it and started to describe what I knew – two residents. A man missing 17 teeth and a woman missing only one. We passed a harbor with many fancy boats. None for lobstering.
We stopped to hike – I think in the White Mountains of NH. There were many waterfalls and everything was alive with green. Somehow I was planning to ditch the bus tour and go home. I was thinking I never should have come.
We were halfway up the mountain when I saw someone fall off the rock face. He bounced down the rocks towards definite death until somehow, miraculously, he grabbed onto a ledge and managed to make his way to safety. As we watched him I noticed he was Asian and wearing a red shirt. Lucky. Before he even got to terra firma I was distracted and my attention was drawn away from the once-falling man.
Out of nowhere J showed up. We stood in a room and argued about going home. Someone else was in the room, ignoring us. I insisted we were still in MA even though I knew better. Frustrated by the arguement I glanced at my shirt and noticed it was too frilly and buttoned wrong but I made no move to correct it.
When I said I didn’t pay for my ticket J said he knew. He then said the brakes on the bus needed fixing, yet he wanted to stay “on tour.” I said I didn’t know what we were touring and didn’t want to miss work.