Everyone Around Me

Everyone around me is making me ill and it’s my own damn fault. I’m surrounded by running, running, running. Everywhere i look someone is bragging posting their stats. “I ran this far…” “I ran this fast…” “I ran this race…” I ran. I say it’s my fault because i chose to surround myself with these people. I thought i would appreciate the motivation. I thought i would be encouraged by their determinations. I read the blogs of runners of all levels. Many of these people i have never met. Some are training to run their very first 5K. Some are in the marathon phase of their lives. Some are running beyond marathons and getting into ultra marathons. Nevertheless, they are all running something somewhere.

I sound bitter. I know it and i hate it. One of my best friends is running a marathon this January. I’m happy for her, yet i can’t help but feel a little jealous as well. Another friend isn’t training for anything at all, yet she runs every single day at least three miles. For the hell of it. I should be impressed, yet i can’t help but feel a little envious as well. These people, these friends – I must stress that – these friends are doing what i said i wanted to do.

So, if that’s true. If I really am jealous and envious and i really truly want to run, why aren’t i? Why am i not on the street in the early morning light banging out a few miles? Why not me? I haven’t got a clue.

I do know that day before yesterday i got on the treadmill for exactly 30 minutes and was able to put in a 2.77 mile run. Nothing to write home about, but nothing to sneeze at, either. At least i did it. Can i get to marathon level? I don’t think so. Will I start running every single day? I seriously doubt it. Am i okay with that? Not right now. Will i ever be okay with that? Hopefully. In the meantime i will have to put up (and shut up) with all this running from everyone around me.

Footfalls for the Foolish

A friend wants me to run the Gasparilla this time around. This February. I don’t want to. To be fair, there are a lot of don’t want tos in play – I don’t want to disappoint my friend. I don’t want to spend the money to go to Florida when San Diego is in my future. I don’t want to leave work for any amount of time. But, but. But! Most importantly, I don’t want to run unless it’s for a good cause. Give my legs something to fight for. I don’t want to run down my runners just for the sake of a silly race. Give me a charity and I’m up for the challenge. I just don’t know what to tell my friend.

Doubting is the Death of Me

When I signed up to run a half marathon for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society the very first thing I worried about was having the motivation to run. The second thing (which quickly eclipsed the first) was how in the world was I going to raise the money? Turns out, motivation wasn’t an issue. From day one I wanted to train. I trained easily and motivation was never an issue. Raising the money wasn’t that difficult either. I met my goal and thensome.

So. So, so, tell me why is it so hard to get back to running now? It’s been over a year and I am struggling to find peace with what I used to love doing. I blamed everything on the pain. I finished a simple stupid half marathon with a stress fracture in my foot, mild hypothermia from running in a downpour and of course, lest we forget, the messed up knee. I blamed everything on the injury even though EVERYONE tells me that shouldn’t stop me from starting again.

So, how do I start again?