Everyone Around Me

Everyone around me is making me ill and it’s my own damn fault. I’m surrounded by running, running, running. Everywhere i look someone is bragging posting their stats. “I ran this far…” “I ran this fast…” “I ran this race…” I ran. I say it’s my fault because i chose to surround myself with these people. I thought i would appreciate the motivation. I thought i would be encouraged by their determinations. I read the blogs of runners of all levels. Many of these people i have never met. Some are training to run their very first 5K. Some are in the marathon phase of their lives. Some are running beyond marathons and getting into ultra marathons. Nevertheless, they are all running something somewhere.

I sound bitter. I know it and i hate it. One of my best friends is running a marathon this January. I’m happy for her, yet i can’t help but feel a little jealous as well. Another friend isn’t training for anything at all, yet she runs every single day at least three miles. For the hell of it. I should be impressed, yet i can’t help but feel a little envious as well. These people, these friends – I must stress that – these friends are doing what i said i wanted to do.

So, if that’s true. If I really am jealous and envious and i really truly want to run, why aren’t i? Why am i not on the street in the early morning light banging out a few miles? Why not me? I haven’t got a clue.

I do know that day before yesterday i got on the treadmill for exactly 30 minutes and was able to put in a 2.77 mile run. Nothing to write home about, but nothing to sneeze at, either. At least i did it. Can i get to marathon level? I don’t think so. Will I start running every single day? I seriously doubt it. Am i okay with that? Not right now. Will i ever be okay with that? Hopefully. In the meantime i will have to put up (and shut up) with all this running from everyone around me.